Delusions of the Insane
by borderlinecritical
Summary: Battling the voices inside his head, he turns for help. But when the one person he loves and trusts the most announces she doesn't love him, what will he do? Shadouge but extremely sad Shadouge. Shadow x Rouge. If you can't handle sad stories, I don't suggest reading this.


" _ **Am I a mindless fool? My life is a fragment, a disconnected dream that has no continuity."**_

 _"Shadow…"_

 _"Oh, Shadow…"_

 _"You're absolutely pathetic…"_

 _"Why do you strive to be a part of this cruel world? Do you not remember what these humans have done to you?"_

The obsidian hedgehog eyes burst wide open as he stood up from the bed, panting heavily. He ran his gloved hand through his quills, shutting his eyes as he concentrated on the nightmare he had just woken up from. After failing to remember his nightmare, he sighed and opened his eyes, scanning the room he was in.

"Fifth time today… and I still don't know what's waking me up." He mumbled, his crimson eyes bright with worry. Slowly, he removed the thin blanket off of his body, revealing the sky blue hospital gown on the hedgehog's body. He reached over to the small lamp that he had brought from home and gently tugged on the string, the light turning on instantly. As the small lamp lit up half of the room, he smiled when he saw a young female bat asleep in the chair beside him. The hedgehog reached out and caressed the beautiful bats face, his smile enlarging when he saw the girl smile in her sleep.

"Oh, Rouge… You're so beautiful…"

Moments after the hedgehog had spoken, Rouge's eyes fluttered open as her hand reached up to touch her lovers hand. She gently removed his hand as she stood up and stretched her small body. The young bat was dressed in a red top with sky blue jeans. Her makeup was smeared due to the obvious amount of crying she had done before she drifted off to sleep and her hair was piled up on her head in a messy bun. Even when she was a wreck, Shadow still viewed her as one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen.

After stretching, the gorgeous treasure huntress sat beside her lover on his small bed. Her aqua eyes looked deeply into his crimson ones as her fingers tangled in his. "Are you okay, darling?"

"I am now." The hedgehog said, moving his head towards the bat as she pressed her lips against his. It was a small, loving kiss and they broke apart after a few seconds. Pressing her head against his, she looked into his eyes once more as she untangled her fingers from his to gently press her hand against his soft muzzle. "Shadow, it's 6:00 pm and you've woken up five times in the past two hours. Is there something bothering you?" Shadow smiled towards her, listening to the bat's melodic voice that always seemed to calm him down.

"As I said before, I'm okay now."

He watched as his lovers lips curled into a frown. Worried, Shadow pulled the bat into a loving embrace. "Rouge… I'm sorry… It's just that I can't remember… The only thing I can remember is that damn voice…" The hedgehog said, tears brimming over his ruby eyes. "The voice just keeps reminding me of how pathetic I am… how I shouldn't even be here…" The bat watched the hedgehog cry silently and didn't know how to react. The Ultimate Life Form had only cried three times in front of her and each and every time, the bat was able to react accordingly. But now, she wasn't able to produce any kind of emotion. She just watched the poor hedgehog agonize over his nightmares and attempted to string up some kind of sentence to help him.

"Oh. My poor baby. I'm sorry… you don't have to talk about it. Hush love, just sit here with me." She said, as she rubbed his back. The hedgehog nodded and placed his head gently on her shoulder. Rouge gently moved up to run her hands through his magnificent quills.

The hedgehog started to drift back to sleep when Rouge began to play with his quills. As his eyes started to gently close, he felt the bat lean in and give him a kiss on his forehead before he shut his eyes completely. He laid there peacefully as the bat also laid down onto his bed, being careful to not wake up the sleeping hedgehog.

After 6 hours of peaceful slumber, the voices in the poor hedgehog's head came to visit him again.

 _"Hi, Shadow…"_

 _"Miss us?"_

 _"Well, we're back…"_

 _"Why do you still try to be happy?"_

 _"Don't you know that nobody loves you?"_

 _"Not even Rouge…"_

Shadow opened his eyes, breathing heavily. He let his eyes adjust to the darkness in the room with the dim lamp still turned on. Shadow glanced up from the position he was in and saw the beautiful bat peacefully asleep, the light shining on her giving her an angelic glow. Shadow smiled at how beautiful she looked when she slept. Hesitantly, Shadow reached up and shook her awake gently. He had to talk to her.

Rouge slowly awoke, yawning and shaking her head. She looked at the hedgehog with no expression on her face. "Hi, Shadow."

Shadow smiled at her while sitting up on the bed. "Hi, bat girl. Sorry to make you wake up but I had another awful nightmare and really need to speak to you about it…" Shadow said, smiling once more towards his ally.

Rouge raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" She said, her voice soaked in annoyance.

Shadow was shocked over the bat's behavior. 'Is Rouge mad at me? It's probably because I woke her up six times this night… But she's never this annoyed with me…'

Rouge, getting even more annoyed that the hedgehog appeared to be stuck in some sort of daydream, snapped her fingers at him. "Earth to Shadow! What do you want to talk about? What's bothering you that you can't even remain asleep for a full night?!"

Shadow gaped at the bat. What did he seem to do that had gotten her so mad at him? The only time Rouge had ever EVER gotten mad at him was when he was planning to destroy the world, and even then, she was more upset than mad. He trembled when he remembered the voice from his nightmare.

 _"Why do you still try to be happy?"_

 _"Don't you know that nobody loves you?"_

 _"Not even Rouge…"_

Shadow looked up at the annoyed bat. Was it true? Did she truly not love him?

"It's nothing…forget about it, Rouge…"

"No." The bat responded sharply. "You woke me up at 12:00 am to talk to me and now, you're going to explain to me what's wrong." She frowned at him and crossed her arms. "Now, speak."

Shadow bit his lip and nervously responded, "Okay, I'll tell you it all." Rouge nodded and sat up, leaving an inch or so between her and the hedgehog.

"There are these voices…" The hesitant hedgehog started, stealing a glance at his partner as he nervously continued, "These voices tell me bad things about me. They remind me continually I'm pathetic and that I shouldn't be here. They torture me constantly with their malicious words and tell me things that I don't believe are true… but they try to make me believe that they are true. I don't know what their intent is, truthfully. They just enjoy torturing me."

Rouge raised an eyebrow at the sad hedgehog, not knowing what to say. All she could muster was, "Well… what do they say exactly? I know you said they call you pathetic and tell you that you shouldn't be here, but what else…?"

Shadow, with tears starting to form in his eyes, reached out to hold the bat's hand. As he clasped her hand in his hand, he noticed that she wouldn't open her fingers to allow his fingers to entangle in hers. Instead, his hand was holding her small fist. Saddened by her reaction, the hedgehog decided to continue.

"They… They tell me that I should stop trying to be happy…"

Shadow gulped before he proceeded with what he was about to say next.

"They tell me that nobody loves me. Not even you."

The hedgehog glanced up at the bat and stared deep into her teal blue eyes. Usually, he would find some sort of brightness about them that reassured him that she loved him or that she was happy. But now, her blue eyes weren't bright and lovely; they were dull and dark. Her blue eyes gazed sharply into his, garnet red meeting storm blue.

"It's true."

Shadow felt like his heart had shattered. His chest had started to hurt terribly when she had spoken and his eyes began to release his tears. "I-It is..?"

"Yes. I mean, LOOK at you. Who are you? The Shadow I fell in love with wasn't this weak and pathetic. He didn't believe some stupid voices telling him what to do. He was strong, he was _**powerful**_. He never would get upset; he would ignore everyone and do what he pleased. Even when the world was entirely against him, he would grudgingly move on and rely on no one except himself. He was independent. Now, look at you. You're _**nothing**_. The powerful, Ultimate Life Form has turned into _**nothing**_."

Shadow froze. He never would have expected his friend, his ally.. no, his _lover_ to say that. He let go of her hand and stared at the floor. Whispering, he asked, "What happened to _Even if you believe everyone in the world will be against you, know that I'll always remain by your side. Remember that._? Those words helped me than because it was from you, Rouge… you've always helped me…"

"I said that when I knew you weren't as weak and pathetic as you are now. You're absolutely despicable now. I said that to stop you from turning into this and clearly, those words haven't impacted you as much as I hoped. Have you not realized I'm the only one who's visited you, Shadow? I keep hoping you'll recover from the state you're in, but clearly, I hoped for too much. I'm done, Shadow. I don't love you anymore; I can't love someone like this."

Shadow shut his eyes and tried to hold back his tears. He couldn't keep showing her how weak he is; he needed to have her love him again. Without her, he had no reason to live.

"Please, Rouge.. Tell me what I can do to get you to love me again. I-I'll try harder to become stronger and better! Just please give me a chance." The hedgehog shouted, pulling her into a quick embrace. Shadow had tried to hold back his tears but they couldn't be held back. With tears running down his muzzles, he screamed, "Please, Rouge! I can't live without you…"

"Then don't."

Confused, the hedgehog looked up at her. "Don't what…?"

"Live. If you can't live without me, then don't live. You've lost me and you can't have me back. You might as well just die."

Shadow gasped. Everything in his life had gone upside down. He never had the most pleasant life with all the things he had to go through and experience, but he had met Rouge and she had made his life worthwhile. She had made him feel like he was _**something**_. And here she was telling him he was _**nothing**_.

Shadow looked down at the ground as he mumbled, "You're right. I am nothing… I don't deserve to be here…"

Rouge darkly smirked at the brooding hedgehog. She had to hold back from laughing at the pathetic excuse of the so-called Ultimate Life Form. Rouge reached over and patted him gently on the back. "I'm glad you can finally understand." Shadow nodded, still staring at the ground as the voices reentered his head.

 _"Ha! Would you look at that?"_

 _"Even the girl you love wants you dead."_

 _"What are you waiting for Shadow? End it! End your life and go join poor Maria in hell."_

Shadow stood up and kneeled down beside his bed. He extended his arm out and began to search under his bed until his hand finally clasped onto a glass bottle. Standing up with a full bottle of Jack Daniels, he walked over to his cabinet and opened the drawer. Inside were a few magazines, his two inhibitor rings, a picture of him and Rouge, and a container of antipsychotics. Shadow carefully picked up the picture of him and Rouge and smiled, a small tear rolling down his cheek. The picture was taken at Emerald Beach and Rouge was laughing as Shadow held her close to him, giving her a small peck on the cheek. "We were so happy here…"

Rouge scoffed.

"That was before you turned into some pathetic loser. We were happy than but now, we're both upset. You upset that I don't love you, and I'm upset that you've became this. Life moves on and it changes people, for better or for worse."

The hedgehog nodded, dropping the photo back into the drawer. Sighing, he picked up the container of antipsychotics and sat back onto his bed. He unscrewed the cap from both the bottle of vodka and the container of antipsychotics and looked at the bat. "…Can you please at least hold me until I die? I… I just need to be held… Please, you loved me at one point… There has to be something in you that can make you love me again for a few minutes…"

Sighing, the bat nodded. "I'll hold you until you pass."

Forming a weak smile at the bat, Shadow passed her the bottle of vodka to hold as he emptied the full container of antipsychotics into his hand. There had to be at least fifteen pills and he just looked at them as they lay there in his hand. Hesitantly, he placed them in his mouth and grabbed the bottle of vodka back from her, as he used it to help swallow the medication. Once he finished the entire bottle of vodka, he dropped it onto the ground and gently placed his head onto the bat's lap.

"Shh… It'll all be over soon…" The bat said, a maniacal smile plastered onto her face. She began to run her hands through his quills, beaming with happiness that the hedgehog was finally going to die.

Shadow's eyes began to feel heavier and his vision began to blur. He smiled up at the bat and closed his eyes. Minutes passed before the hedgehog was pronounced dead.

It was a cold October morning. The trees were starting to lose their leaves and a slight breeze began to blow throughout the small cemetery. The cemetery was empty except for one group of animals surrounding a certain gravestone. They all held red roses in their hands and were all dressed in black.

"Shadow, why?" A blue hedgehog asked, a solemn look etched onto his face. "I know we didn't get along but… you could've came to me… You didn't have to do this…"

A pink hedgehog was quietly crying and holding onto him as she remembered the memories she had with Shadow. "Oh, Sonic! Why did he have to do it?" The pink hedgehog shouted, more tears escaping her eyes as she held tighter onto the hedgehog.

Sonic looked down at the frail hedgehogs body and wrapped his arms around her, rocking her back and forth. "Shh, Amy.. it's okay, don't cry…"

Amy looked up at her lover and nodded, grabbing his rose and placing it with hers onto the gravestone.

A red echidna stepped forward and looked at the gravestone. "You… You were an ass… You stole my girl and constantly made fun of my anger issues… But… You were still a good person… You didn't deserve this kind of life. You deserved better…" Knuckles, the guardian of the Master Emerald, announced. Afterwards, he nodded towards the gravestone and knelt down to place the single rose he got for the hedgehog's gravestone. He stood up and backed up, allowing anyone else to say a few words to the gravestone.

For a while, the animals began to approach the gravestone and, not knowing what to say, just dropped their rose onto the gravestone and retreat back. However, the last person to approach the gravestone just looked at it with sadness. It was a beautiful white bat and her ears were lowered in sadness, as she cried over her lover's passing.

"I… I don't know why you wouldn't talk to me… Shadow… I can't believe I came to visit you at 10:00 a.m. and you were dead… I love you so much! Why did you have to kill yourself… I know you've been through so much but I've always been there for you and I would always be there for you…" Rouge said, her tears falling harder. Finally, she couldn't take it and fell down to her knees, hugging the gravestone as if it were the actual hedgehog himself. "Why, Shadow, why! You were the only person who understood me! We went through everything together… I love you…"

While she was hugging the gravestone, she felt a hand upon her shoulder. Looking behind her, she saw Sonic staring at her sadly. "Rouge.. I know it's hard but we have to go…"

Rouge looked away from him and looked back down at the gravestone. Nodding, she took Sonic's hand and stood up. She took once last glance at the gravestone and gently placed her bouquet of red roses on it. She ran her fingers on the etching of it and read the words one last time in her head.

 **Here lies Shadow the Hedgehog**

 **Savor of the world**

 **Friend to many**

 **A brilliant ally**

 **A loving lover**

 **A sufferer of schizophrenia**

 **May he rest in peace**

A.N.: Aw, poor Shadow I usually am a huge fan of reading and writing love stories of Shadow and Rouge but after watching a film on schizophrenia, I began to write this story on what would happen if Shadow suffered from Schizophrenia.

I'm sorry if the characters may seem a bit out of character… But I actually like how this turned out.

If you figured out from the beginning that Shadow was suffering from schizophrenia, I applaud you! I tried to make subtle hints about it to see if anyone would catch on such as the title and the antipsychotic meds. Also, at a hospital, Rouge wouldn't be able to be there at 12:00 am because visitng hours aren't allowed than.

If you haven't figured it out from the beginning, don't be discouraged. That just means I'm good at being secretive :P

Anyways, I tried my hardest to write a story on schizophrenia. I, however, have only read and seen stuff concerning schizophrenia. I do not suffer from schizophrenia nor do I know anybody who does. So, I tried my hardest to write about it.

I sort of felt sick when I began to write about Rouge being horrible to Shadow. But the mean Rouge was his hallucination so I trudged on. Please don't be upset with me for writing something like this, I'm already upset with myself

Please leave reviews it makes me happy when someone reads my work and takes time out of their day to write something about it! Thanks darlings~


End file.
